I may receive a commission if you purchase something mentioned in this post. See more details here.
I seriously can’t believe that I have been on GAPS for six months now. That is mind blowing. I have never stuck with something for so long.
(Okay, if we’re going to be honest, there were two moments this past month when I took a sample of something that wasn’t GAPS. I even have had gluten. But I still consider what I have done these past months a success and I am so proud of myself.)
This month was kinda all over the place. I entered the month feeling great, and spent a good chunk of it feeling that way. But I also experienced a lot of anxiety around food and life. At one point, I acknowledged that I had an unhealthy relationship with food. This stirred up a lot of emotions, and after many days of crying, I walked up to my husband and said, “I have an eating disorder.”
This was hard, but was a huge step forward for me. I recognized that I was relying too heavily on my husband, and I started seeing a therapist. I have made an effort to be more mindful of my eating. I have had some really great successes. I still have a long way to go, and my anxiety about food is still there, but I am seeing progress and that means a lot.
For example, I ate out 3 times this past month. The first time, I got anxiety when I first heard about it. But I was able to order a simple bunless burger with avocado and caramelized onions. It was delicious and I did not have a reaction to it. Same with the other two times – I was able to find a way to make it work for me. And it was okay. And on Tuesday I even ate a bite of a pretzel roll with a grass fed hot dog and sauerkraut. *gaps* It was delicious and I was happy with just the bite, then back to GAPS.
I am trying to learn to be kind to myself and understand what my body wants. I finally acknowledged that GAPS is not going to heal my relationship with food. I need to heal it myself if I want to ever be able to eat in a healthy way off of Intro.
On to the physical side, I had a few setbacks, which was also difficult. I still can’t eat pork, and I have been minorly constipated for about two weeks, after a month of everything being perfect. However, I successfully added small amounts of raw vegetables (I don’t like raw veggies, so I haven’t been eating them much), fruit, and coconut. I added butter successfully, too, which is AMAZING. It made me break out just a few months ago, and I am amazed that my body is actually healing! I also have started to take fermented cod liver oil and eat sardines in an effort to get more healthy fats and micronutrients.
I have also started taking communion, including the wheat host. I will be writing more about this next week. Taking communion was something that was incredibly important for me to do spiritually and for my mental health. It opened up something for me that helped me dispelled my anxiety around food.
June 28 was my one year wedding anniversary. I wasn’t going to eat from the top tier of our wedding cake, but I still wanted to have something. So while my husband ate our wedding cake, I made my own chocolate mug cake that was so delicious and rich. The recipe will be up next week. In eating this, I moved into Full GAPS and added in chocolate and honey. This is the first time I have had added sugar in almost 6 months, even if it was only a 1/2 tablespoon over two days.
Over the next month, I will be continuing along Full GAPS. I will be testing more dairy, starting with cultured cream, and adding in lentils. I hope to try nuts at some point, too. Mostly, my focus this coming month will be to continue making peace with my body and with food, wherever that leads.
Like what you see? Please support this blog and help me keep it running by signing up for my newsletter, purchasing products, or donating through the links below:
DISCLOSURE: In order for me to support my blogging activities, I may receive monetary compensation or other types of remuneration for my endorsement, recommendation, testimonial and/or link to any products or services from this blog. The information contained in this post is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, it is provided for educational purposes only. You assume full responsibility for how you choose to use this information. For more information, click here.